Valentine’s Day is quickly getting here, and everyone knows that day is supposed to be all about love, romance and couples.
Yet, that is only one day in a year, what about the other 364 days?
Jennifer Lansford reached out to four different couples with a combined total of over 150 years of marriage, and asked them about their secrets of marriage.
Doug and Betty Allen, Brad and Denise Butler, Bill and Jennifer Capers, and James (Jim) and Martha Kirgin were all very happy to share with the readers here at The “Times”.
The Allen’s
When Doug Allen decided to ask a, “Gorgeous almost grown woman,” out Betty said yes, but thought, “Why is this kid asking me out?”
After dating for four years, they married and have stayed married for forty years, and consider the best part of their marriage is being married to their best friend.
Yet, nothing is without challenges, and they faced theirs when they were married. They had nothing financially and had to make a life for themselves.
Betty will tell you that Doug is her rock and who she depends on to keep her sane, Doug though, talks about how positive her outlook is on life and how she has an even temper.
They do everything together and keep from excluding each other from any part of their lives, and that keeps the relationship fun and helps with the romance.
“It’s a Wonderful Life” is their movie as without each other they would have had vastly different lives.
God controls their life instead of their desires, and the Allen’s emphasis that marriage is not 50/50 it is 100/100, you have to be willing to give 100%.
They do not consider chores to be one or the other’s; they split up the jobs, but have no problem helping the other when necessary.
Their number one piece of advice for a successful marriage is multi-faceted, but shows years of lessons:
–Never stop dating.
–Always try your best and do not take the other for granted.
–Open the door for her and tell her she is beautiful.
–Pamper her a little.
–Giver her some alone time when she needs it.
–Let him have some fun with the guys, he needs his alone time too.
–Do not try to control his every move.
The Butler’s
Brad Butler thought Denise was cute when they first met, and she thought he looked like Magnum P.I., (that is Tom Selleck, if you do not know).
Not a person for being traditional, Brad proposed to Denise on Friday, February 13th. He told her it was good luck for him! With thirty-three years of marriage, looks like he was right.
They say the best part of marriage is that you are with your best friend through everything.
Some advice they give is to say “I love you” every day, be willing to compromise, and to be respectful of each other.
Now, if you ask them what their favorite thing is about each other, is you get very different answers.
Denise tells you that he is committed to their family and that she enjoys his sense of humor.
Brad’s favorite is Denise’s left eye.
Mr. Butler, I suspect people might be wandering about that. I know I am!
When asked how they make up after a fight, they said it might be too much to handle.
Best of all though, is they handle housework and chores by hiring somebody else to do them.
The Caper’s
Bill Capers was another man who saw his future wife and decided she was cute, while Jennifer was noting that he was a smart cowboy.
The best parts of marriage for this couple has been sharing life and raising their children. Plus they get to have fun together.
Family issues have brought about challenging times though.
Two things they note as favorites: that they know each other’s actions before they even happen and they like adventures.
Romance for them is as simple, yet so thoughtful, as doing something unexpected for the other person.
Early on, they learned that communication is key to a successful marriage, and Bill’s Great Aunt told them, “Do not go to be bed angry at each other.”
Before they had their children, they decided how they were going to raise their kids. They made sure to always present a unified front.
They had no advice on how to make up, because they do not ever fight.
More chores sharing here when needed and naturally divided.
They show their appreciation best by spending their time together.
“God has to be in the marriage. Pray for your spouse and decisions that have to be made,” says the Caper’s.
The Kirgan’s
Martha and James Kirgan met in the fall of 1959, and married after a year and a half, making it fifty-nine years of marriage since November.
Their memories of one another’s musical talent, friendliness, and smiles as their first impressions.
They completed their education together at Sam Houston State University, and have three children, a son and two daughters. They say these are the best parts of their marriage.
In 2010, Jim was diagnosed with heart disease and had a quadruple by-pass surgery, and later a stint was placed in his subclavian artery. 2018 saw a pacemaker be installed. Those years were the most challenging for them.
The Kirgan’s love country life as it is their favorite thing. They remodeled Thelma Sessions, Jim’s Grandmother, home, and in 2000 when they both retired, they moved to the 7K Ranch.
Advise for a good marriage from the Kirgan’s is to never go to sleep mad at one another, and the words, “I am sorry, I love you, please forgive me,” works wonders.
Parenting styles were rarely a problem as they agreed with each other on how to handle their children’s discipline.
They always told their children they loved them, told them why the discipline was being carried out, and never used the words, “You knew better.”
Household chores are handled by both, and divided fairly equally in retirement.
Respect and admiration for each other’s accomplishments is the best way they show their appreciation towards one another.
One important note they give is that a wife is not meant to be her husband’s mother.
Their number one advice is to put God first and all else will fall into place. Love each other unconditionally no matter what life throws at you.
I hope these thoughts from such wonderful marriages will bring a smile to your face and help you decide how to go forward with those around you.
Reporting by Jennifer Lansford, complied by Victoria Keng.
