by Taylor J. Kovar – CEO/Founder, Kovar Wealth Management
–Hi Taylor – I love Thanksgiving, but I’m also dreading it a little because my family members can’t help arguing and fighting. Any conversation about work invariably turns to politics and then things get heated. Is there a way to steer clear of these topics?
–Hey Bridget – This one’s a doozie. Some people really want to prove their points, no matter how uncomfortable it makes everyone else who’s just trying to eat too much stuffing. While you might not be able to set rules for what people can and can’t talk about, you can choose the ways in which you engage and drive the conversation. Here are some things I do when dancing around those touchier subjects.
Personal wins. When the conversation starts getting negative, that’s when the controversial subject matter creeps in. Think about all that’s going well in your life right now, and try to talk about those points as much as you can. Unless there’s someone in your family who loves being a killjoy, people will like hearing about good things and might offer stories of their own success in return. Should the discussion turn toward those hot button issues, it’ll be easy to redirect back to the new job or the new house or the new chicken parmesan recipe that you mentioned earlier in the conversation.
Memory lane. No one is safe from nostalgia, and the mention of a happy memory might be the perfect thing to get an aunt or uncle to stop their diatribe and get all lovey-dovey. Family gatherings should be joyful occasions, and sometimes people just need to be reminded of that. Bring up an old picture on your phone, recount the story of the time the dog ate the turkey, or whatever you think people will want to reminisce about. The segues from any topic into funny stories from the past are usually pretty easy and no one will get upset with you for bringing up fond memories.
The future. Conversations about current affairs suck us all in from time to time because the content is really important. When I’m looking to engage in these talks without ruffling feathers or getting myself upset, I try to focus on what I want for the future. I think about my kids and my legacy, and how whining about laws and lawmakers won’t make anyone’s life better tomorrow. I want my children to feel like they have the power to live their best lives, and that sentiment usually gets lost in a conversation about what’s wrong with the world. If you can infuse a little hope into those discussions, you might avoid the nastier arguments. At the very least, you’ll probably feel better about yourself.
I’m holding out hope that everyone is on their best behavior this Thanksgiving, Bridget. If people start pushing the limits of cordial conversation, I bet you can get them back on track. Happy Thanksgiving!
