Hi Taylor – I love Christmas time and the joy it brings my children. At the same time, I feel like I haven’t done the best job teaching them how it’s better to give than to receive. How do I get them to stop obsessing over their presents and find a little bit of joy watching other people get gifts? – Eden
Hey Eden – First of all, don’t be too hard on yourself. People learn the generous spirit of the holidays over time, so you’re not alone in having kids who are rabidly waiting to open their next present and are less concerned with what anyone else is getting. That said, there are some strategies you can employ to put things on the right track and help your kids enjoy the feeling of making someone else happy.
–1. Lead by example. I’m sure you’re already doing this, but it’s probably the best way to get your kids on board. Make a show of giving presents to your spouse, parents, friends, and coworkers. When you get a gift, heap praise on the person who gave it to you. Even if they don’t immediately follow your lead, your children are watching and learning from your behavior; if they see that you make other people happy through generosity, they’ll eventually start doing the same.
–2. Create giving opportunities. The act of buying a present for someone isn’t all that personal, so you need to be sure your kids have opportunities to be actively generous. Maybe that’s volunteering with an organization that delivers food and gifts to people in need, or making homemade treats to drop on neighbors’ doorsteps. Whatever opportunity you create, make sure it isn’t something where the expectation is for the giving to be reciprocated. Let your kids enjoy some solitary giving and, eventually, that will become just as important a part of the holiday.
–3. Be patient. If your kids are still relatively young, you need to set your expectations appropriately. A seven-year-old is usually way more excited about their own presents than watching everyone else open theirs, and that’s completely normal. Keep creating opportunities to show what giving looks like, but try not to stress when the day doesn’t look perfectly calm or focused. Remember how much joy you felt unwrapping a new toy as a kid, and let them have that same excitement. As they grow and watch you model generosity year after year, they’ll start to enjoy the giving side too. It just takes time, and that’s okay.
Christmas is special for kids and adults alike, though we all approach this time of year a little differently. Show your kids how much you enjoy giving and being generous, and they’ll start to feel the same way. Until then, don’t forget to celebrate the happiness they feel when opening the perfect gift. Merry Christmas!
Taylor Kovar, CFP®
CHIEF EXECUTIVE OFFICER
