by Slim Randles
Ya know, I swear if somebody comes up with a concretenation that included
sucking dirty rocks, ol’ Mame the dame would sign up.
Now don’t git me wrong, I think Mamie Dilworth is a nice lady, and I enjoy
seein’ what she’s up to next, ya know? She can’t cook … gives ya raw fish when
you go over there … but she has a perty nice smile and I can take it, ya know.
So she told me jest t’other day to git ready, cuz we’re goin’ out for goat yoga.
Well, natcherly I mentioned I’d had blueberry and strawberry, but goat-flavored
seemed a little bit past the ol’ rabbit-proof fence. She said it weren’t yogurt, But yoga … you know, where people who live in them Tibetty-type mountains tie theirselves in knots and hum to their belly buttons?
Yeah, them guys.
So I gits in the car with her and we go to a little farm outside-a town and there
was some more women there puttin’ their hands together and bowin’ to each other,
and then the head yogurt lady says positions! Well, I turned around and put my
hands on the corral fence and spread my legs, but that weren’t what ol’ Yogurtina
had in mind. Them ladies all laid down to do push ups, and this helper girl opened
the chute and let in the goats. Little baby pigmy kinda goats. And them little
boogers each of ‘em jumped on a woman’s back and went to dancin’ ‘round.
Honest.
If I’m lyin’ may I wake up as a student in law school and have to eat raspberry
torts. And change my name from Windy to Justin. Yessir, And them ladies was gigglin’ and push uppin’ and then ol’ Yogurtina
says Downward-facing dog! Yes she did. And the ladies stuck their butts in the air
like a stink bug and the goats went to prancin’ around on top of ‘em and
underneath ‘em, and I tell ya, it was somethin’ to see.
OK now, ladies, yells Yogurtina, let’s PLANK! Down they go on their bellies
again, with a comflagationary of goats leapin’ all over ‘em.
On the ride home, ol’ Mame says to me if I understood this here goat yoga and
what I thought of it. She wanted me to do it with ‘em next time.
I told her I already did the super magnum goat yoga thingie and I were less than
enthusiastical ‘bout it.
I ‘splained jest how I’d jest went from downward-facin’ dog to flat plankin’ in
the arena and that bull had landed on me and I’d landed in the hospital for four
days and I thought I’d given that kinda exercise ‘bout all it was gonna get outa me.
And you can tell ‘em I said so.
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Brought to you by the American Goat Federation, who claim the first goats in the New World were brought here in 1493 by Columbus. And no one objected.
