Dear Editor;

The press secretary called out “The King! The King!” and forty Republican Congressmen instantly threw themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of heavy footsteps, and Alice looked round, eager to see the Orange King.

First came ten soldiers carrying axes; next ten billionaires ornamented all over with diamonds. After these came the royal children; there were four of them, and the little dears came jumping merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented with MAGA hats.

Elon, the Orange Knave, carried the King’s social media posting I-Phone on a crimson velvet cushion. Last of all in this grand procession, came the Orange King Himself.

When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked at her, and the King said severely “Who is this?” He said it to the Knave Elon, who only smiled in reply.

“Idiot!” said the King, tossing his head impatiently; and, turning to Alice, went on, “What’s your name?”

“My name is Alice, so it please your Majesty,” said Alice very politely. “And who are these?” said the King, pointing to the Congressmen, lying face down and trembling, wearing their MAGA hats. The King could not tell whether they were Congressmen, or soldiers, or billionaires, random sycophants, or his own children.

“How should I know?” said Alice. The King turned bright orange with fury, and, after glaring at Alice for a moment like a wild beast, screamed “Off with her head! Off– OFF WITH HER HEAD!”

“Nonsense!” said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the King was silent. The King looked at the Congressmen, “What have you been doing here?”

“May it please your Majesty,” said one Congressman in a very humble tone, going down on one knee as he spoke, “we were trying to write legislation to pass your agenda!”

“I see!” said the King, “Off with their heads!” and the procession moved on. “Are their heads off?” shouted the King over his shoulder.

“Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!” the soldiers lied in reply, not wanting to displease the King, but also knowing the King’s attention span was tiny.

“That’s right!” shouted the King. “Can you play golf?” the King asked Alice. “YES!” shouted Alice. “Come on, then!” roared the King, and Alice joined the procession, wondering very much what would happen next.

“Get to your places!” shouted the King in a voice of thunder, and people began running about in all directions, tumbling up against each other; then the game began. Alice thought she had never seen such curious golf course in her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedge-hogs, the clubs were live flamingoes.

The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling all the while, and fighting for the hedge-hogs; and in a very short time the King was in a furious passion, and went stamping about, and shouting “Off with his head!” or “Off with her head!” about once every 30 seconds.

“Do you like the King?” Alice was asked. “Not at all,” said Alice: “he’s so extremely–” … just then she noticed that the King was close behind her, listening: so, she went on, “–likely to win, that it’s hardly worthwhile finishing the game.” The King smiled and passed on. The King had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small. “Off with his head!” he said, without even looking round.

Coming in CHAPTER X: Choosing a Cabinet.

Jeff Harrison (apologies to Lewis Carroll)
Buffalo, Texas