Dear Editor,
Again, I’m in need of some help. I feel like I’m losing my mind. All my life, I think I know the definition of simple words, but in today’s climate, it’s turned into “Opposite Day.”
Take the word “HUMILIATE.” Now, I thought I knew what “humiliate” means; what it means to “humiliate” someone, and what it means to be “humiliated.” Turns out, I’ve had it exactly backwards.
Let’s take a simple example, one that happens all the time in the real world: You invite a guest into your home.
You begin to yell at your guest, accusing the guest of being weak and impotent, and not being thankful enough. You yell so much, you don’t even allow your guest to SPEAK AT ALL; In fact, you note that your guest has “talked enough.” And you keep yelling.
As you yell, you bring up every grievance you have from the past, and portray yourself as the VICTIM. You suggest that your suffering in every instance is somehow your guest’s fault. In the midst of this harangue, as you are pitching a fit, you say many things that have been proven untrue, and everyone present KNOWS them to be untrue.
It becomes clear that you’re mostly mad at your guest because he will not cave in to the demands of your very best friend, who has been attacking your guest’s house, killing his friends, and wants to simply take over your guest’s house for his own. You act as if this is a NORMAL thing to be siding with.
Further, you gang up on your solo guest. You have someone in your household criticize your guest’s clothing as being “too casual.” You get your best friend at the gathering to join in yelling at your guest. You and your friend tag team in yelling at your guest, making sure he has no opportunity to respond.
Now, if I had witnessed such a thing happening at a social gathering in my neighborhood, I would have ZERO trouble identifying who was “Humiliated.”
The dictionary helps us understand what ‘to humiliate’ means. It states: to make someone feel ashamed and foolish by injuring their dignity and self-respect, especially publicly and to make someone feel stupid or inferior, while attempting to hurt someone’s pride.
Perhaps it might also help to consult the etiquette of how to be a good host: focus on making your guests feel welcome and comfortable, providing a pleasant atmosphere, be attentive to their needs, and actively engage in conversation while ensuring everyone feels included.
Even in an intervention, there are rules to follow: You need to be able to rely on people not to give in to their emotional impulses by yelling and screaming. Be extremely specific about the subject’s past actions that have harmed themselves and those around them. Count the relationships they have damaged, bridges they have burned, and money that they have wasted. Present FACTS.
In each and every one of these categories of proper behavior as HOST or GUEST, there is the possibility of HUMILIATION as defined. I.E.: Should be ashamed, should feel foolish, should have dignity injured, should lose self-respect, should feel stupid, should feel inferior, should lose any pride.
In each and every case, the situation described above places the HUMILIATION on the side of the HOST – repeat, THE HOST! The HOST was thoroughly humiliated, by humiliating HIMSELF along with his co-hosts. Anyone who tries to tell you it was the GUEST who was “humiliated” does not have the least idea what humiliation is, or means.
Jeff Harrison
Buffalo, Texas
