by John Jefferson

I’m not a cowboy.

But the first time I saw a western movie; I wanted to be one. I even sat on Gene Autry’s lap at the Houston Livestock show. He gave me a stick of Double Mint Gum (his sponsor).

For those unfamiliar with Gene Autry, he was a popular movie star/singing cowboy in the ‘40s and 50’s. His biggest recorded hit is still played every Christmas – “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”

Cowboys must work too hard and in all kinds of severe weather! I HAVE worked cattle for short intervals on half a dozen ranches and I’ve ridden enough to have been thrown a couple of times. Even hunted hogs from horseback. But despite wearing jeans and a cowboy hat, I’m no cowboy.

Cows can kill ya! Retired Ph.D. wildlife authority, Dr. Jerry Cooke, sent me an Internet Report on the World’s Deadliest Animals: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3OgPO83Elg It stated that cows kill 20 people/year. Sharks only kill four/year.

A young lady is said to have told her boyfriend that ”Cows kill more people than sharks!” Her boyfriend allegedly commented that he didn’t know cows killed sharks. (!)

But the report was interesting. It also exposed the effect bad publicity can cause. Horror movies and legends paint a spooky, scarry image of bats, but they only average two homicides/year. One probably from rabies — the other possibly by frightening someone to death.

As expected, African animals removed a respectable number of people. Lions killed 22, leopards 29, Tigers 125, buffalos (including Cape Buffaloes) 200, hippos and elephants 500 each, crocodiles 1,000, tsetse flies 10,000, and snakes 50,000. Many of those snake-kills were probably in Africa, Asia, or South America. The U.S. only has about three/year, as reported to me by Texas’ leading snakebite physician, Dr. Spencer Greene, M.D.

Scorpions are reported in the study as killing 20,000 folks/year. I’ve been stung seven times, each one seemed more painful than previous ones. Troops in Afghanistan tell of scorpion miseries, too.

Once, a scorpion crawled up inside my pants leg unbeknownst to me. Its first sting was just above my knee. Each of the next two were higher. I made it to the back door before feeling the first one. A lady friend heard me screaming and came to help. Instead, she broke into uncontrolled laughter. Guess she’d never seen anybody lying on the ground trying to kick off cowboy boots before. We finally got everything off and exterminated the offender … after I caught my breath.

There were obscure assassins on the list – one even named “the Assassin Bug!” It’s a South American native and took 12,000 lives/year, according to the report. Those bugs are all over North America. One site stated — with a straight face — that “Assassin bugs are not poisonous and are practically harmless until they bite.” You could say the same about wildcats!

Other strange killers are pufferfish (100 kills), bees (53), ants (30), and deer (130). Tapeworms kill 100.

And mosquitos kill 725,000 folks/year and Humans kill 435,000!

JJ